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SpongeBob SquarePants has been a childhood-defining staple in TV for over 20 years.
We all know its best episodes are behind us, but our love for the subaquatic critters of Bikini Bottom remains.
Many Millennials who watched the show as kids are now adults, whose personality and sense of humor were (to an extent) shaped by the spongy grill worker. It’s a commonality in a world where finding common ground becomes increasingly challenging.
But that’s enough philosophizing for now.
You’re here for Beat Saber song maps, and you shall have them.
Are ya ready, kids?
I can’t hear you!
10. Preparing the Krabby Patty
It’s time for the moment you’ve been waiting for:
Preparing a Krabby Patty!
Or maybe not…
This absurd sound clip comes straight from the Krusty Krab Training Video, aired as the second part of Season 3, Episode 10, in which SpongeBob and Squidward show us the dos and don’ts of working at Mr. Krabs’ restaurant.
I still remember watching it for the first time and believing they might really reveal the Krabby Patty’s formula!
It was a disappointment, but at least I got a laugh out of it.
9. Now That We’re Men
Do you know what sets men apart from little boys?
No, really, it’s 100% about the beard and mustache.
You don’t even need to grow it yourself. Just stick some seaweed on your face, and you’re good to go.
Now that you’ve got your algae beard, you’re basically invincible. Isn’t that what being a grown-up is all about? Maybe…
Let SpongeBob and Patrick tell you all about it in this inspiring fanfare on the powers of being an adult man.
8. Ripped Pants
Have you ever seen someone rip their pants?
It’s hilarious – but it happens to all of us.
It’s inevitable to laugh at the absurdity, but there’s no need to put down someone who’s having a wardrobe malfunction.
On the other hand, praising them for ripping their pants might have unintended consequences.
That’s just what happens in the Season 1 episode “Ripped Pants,” where SpongeBob becomes convinced that ripping his pants might make people like him better.
He even rips his underwear at one point…
SpongeBob eventually apologizes to everyone – especially Sandy – by fashioning musical instruments from sand and singing a song about his hubris.
Someone needs to tell him that people love musicians.
7. Right Where I Want You – xSPONGEXCOREx
One of the most creative SpongeBob-inspired musical projects you’ll come across is xSPONGEXCOREx’s bizarre hardcore remixes of popular SpongeBob episodes.
The artist takes SpongeBob’s most recognizable dialogue and twists it into a violent and exciting metalcore symphony that’ll make you laugh and bob your head back and forth in equal measure.
“Right Where I Want You” does this to iconic Season 3 episode “Chocolate with Nuts,” where a crazy fish keeps yelling “chocolate” while chasing down SpongeBob & Patrick.
The sheer insanity of this chocolate-loving weirdo is a perfect match with the metalcore genre.
And you’ll find the whole xSPONGEXCOREx Beat Saber tracklist here.
6. Best Day Ever
Have you ever gotten up with the right foot and thought, “damn, I think this’ll be a great day,” only for it to get entirely ruined by unforeseeable events?
Yeah, me too – and so has SpongeBob.
He even sang a song about it being the best day ever before it went downhill in the fourth season episode “Best Day Ever.”
SpongeBob’s perfect day may not have gone quite the way he wanted, but the song is still really uplifting.
It’s just the thing to play early in the morning to give yourself a mood boost while getting your body ready for the day.
5. Gary Come Home
SpongeBob’s relationship with his snail Gary sums up how many of us feel toward our pets.
Sure, they’re annoying as hell when they want to be – but most of the time they’re the best thing in our lives.
It’s just… Well, it’s easy to get frustrated and lash out whenever they do something wrong.
If you’ve ever treated your pet less than ideally, you know how guilty it can make you feel.
In SpongeBob’s case, it made him sad enough to write a song about it.
Luckily, Gary returned to SpongeBob for a second chance – but we’re not all that lucky.
If you love your pet, show them every day!
4. Sweet Victory
Sweet Victory is probably the most famous SpongeBob song other than the opening theme – primarily because it’s so iconic, which brought even more attention to this song from the 2019 Super Bowl fiasco.
The NFL had teased a tribute to late SpongeBob creator Stephen Hillenburg, which fans had hoped would materialize as playing Sweet Victory at the Super Bowl.
This would have been the perfect homage, considering the song originally plays in a parody of the Super Bowl known as the Bubble Bowl.
In the end, SpongeBob was just the opening act to Travis Scott, and the song wasn’t even played – but hey, we can play it in Beat Saber all we want!
Who likes football anyway?
3. Goofy Goober Rock – Tom Rothrock & Jim Wise
I don’t think I’ve ever been as hyped for something as I was for the first SpongeBob movie.
Whenever I want to remember what “excitement” feels like, I picture the day it was announced.
SpongeBob was basically my favorite show of all time, and my mind knew crazy things could happen in a full-length film that couldn’t happen in a typical 11-minute episode.
I wasn’t wrong.
The film sets SpongeBob on an adventure of epic proportions while dialing up his inherent goofiness up to 11.
The forces of epic and goofy come together during the movie’s climax when SpongeBob launches on an incredible rock performance, reminding everyone how much of a Goofy Goober he is.
It was the most important moment in 2000’s cartoons, and you can’t change my mind.
2. Spongebob Chase Freestyle – Holy Tony
Not all SpongeBob content comes from the original show.
Bikini Bottom’s culture has spread far and wide across the globe.
And the charming sponge has countless fans that reference him in comics, memes, TikToks, and so on.
One prime example is the SpongeBob Chase Freestyle by music artist Reggie COUZ, first released on a video where a music producer gives him an absurd beat sampling SpongeBob’s chase music.
The worst part is he actually pulls off a sick freestyle.
It’s hilarious, and it’ll get you moving.
I don’t know about you, but I unironically think this is a great jam.
1. Stadium Rave
I don’t think anything makes me want to dance (or slice virtual blocks) like the Stadium Rave song from the iconic Season 1 episode “Jellyfish Jam.”
After adopting a wild jellyfish, SpongeBob launches onto a 12-hour dance party with his new pet to the beat of this song.
The thing is, jellyfish are surprisingly good at partying.
Even when Sponge goes to sleep, the party goes on, with his not-domesticated jellyfish calling its friends over and trashing the place.
Hopefully you won’t trash your own place while playing this song.
You might think I’m exaggerating, but this beat will awaken things you didn’t even know were inside you – as you flail your arms around in virtual reality.