The Best Xbox Waifus Of All Time, Ranked

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The Xbox brand has never been about waifus and romance.

Where PlayStation is the home of JRPGs and fantasy epics featuring plenty of attractive women, Xbox has always gravitated toward dark and gritty storylines full of buff dudebros pumping aliens (or other dudes) full of lead.

That said, a couple of female outliers have captivated our hearts – not only with their beauty but their strength, skill, and leadership capabilities.

And for this ranking we’re listing out the most iconic Xbox waifus ever imagined.


10. Joanna Dark (Perfect Dark Zero)

Joanna Dark from Perfect Dark Zero cutscene screenshot

I think it’s fitting to kick off the list with a heroine from an Xbox 360 launch title.

Special agent Joanna Dark has been a major video game heartthrob since her first appearance on the original Perfect Dark for the N64, but she didn’t reach her “final form” until Perfect Dark Zero.

For this new adventure, this agent got an extreme makeover.

Her hair went from light brown to bright orange, and she was given a blonde streak that grants her a genuinely anime-like appeal.

Regardless of looks, Joanna remains a total bad-ass excelling as a marksman, a close-combat fighter, and just about anything else you can think of. She’s truly the “Perfect Dark.”


9. Lin (Saints Row)

Lin from Saints Row cutscene screenshot

Next up, we have a slightly less well-known but relevant gal from the original Xbox 360-exclusive Saints Row.

Lin is a badass Asian-American vixen who likes to challenge the status quo.

She introduces herself as the best street racer in Chinatown, and if you ask why she isn’t more well known, her answer is clear: because she’s a woman, and not even street racing is free of sexism.

As a Lieutenant of the 3rd Street Saints, Lin’s cold personality allows her to get stuff done no matter the difficulty. Stuff like infiltrating a rival gang is a piece of cake for her.

Regrettably, Lin doesn’t make it out of the game alive – but she’s a pleasure to watch during her entire run.


8. Zoey (Left 4 Dead)

Zoey from Left 4 Dead trailer screenshot

Many would see Zoey as the token female character in the primarily male group of survivors in Left 4 Dead. But if you pay attention, you’ll see just how good of a character she really is.

Zoey is meant to be an “everygirl” any female player could identify with.

She’s cool, deadly with an SMG, and never outshone by any of her male companions.

She describes herself as a “funny, sexy brunette,” and I agree. She’s also a badass zombie killer, thanks to years of obsessively watching horror movies.


7. Elvira Grey (Fable)

Elvira Grey from Fable cutscene screenshot

Microsoft isn’t well-known for its fantasy RPG exclusives.

But the one they do have – the Fable franchise – is fantastic.

One reason is the freedom to choose your own heroic – or not so heroic – path.

Even in romance, you can make terrible decisions – such as courting and eventually marrying the seductive noble Elvira Grey.

Lady Grey took the seat of power in Bowerstone by murdering her own sister. You get the choice to ignore this and marry her regardless, becoming an accomplice to her plotting.

You’d be surprised at how many thirsty heroes preferred to make her their waifu instead of, you know, being a decent person.


6. Rachel (Ninja Gaiden)

Rachel from Ninja Gaiden cutscene screenshot

The Ninja Gaiden series had a unique way of playing both sides of the console war. They came out first as Xbox exclusives, then got enhanced PlayStation 3 ports some years later.

The PS3 expansions made the supporting female cast more prominent, but the original Xbox release gave all the screen time to Rachel.

Clad in full dominatrix gear, this blonde bombshell was an expert fiend hunter for the Holy Vigoor Empire.

Rachel and her sister were cursed to eventually become fiends themselves. When we meet her, she’s on her way to kill her now-turned sister.

In the end, the ruthless veneer peels away and reveals the emotional heart of a grieving sister who can’t bring herself to murder her beloved sibling, fiend or not.

If that doesn’t touch your heart, I don’t know what will.


5. Anya Stroud (Gears of War)

Anya Stroud from Gears of War cutscene screenshot

The post-post-post-apocalyptic world of Gears of War is one where only the most versatile and self-sufficient people have any chance of surviving – and Anya Stroud is at the top of the list.

Initially a Communications Officer in the Coalition of Ordered Governments’ army, Anya had to quickly adapt to overcome every challenge thrown her way.

When the Lambent emerged, she went from operating the radio to hacking enemies to pieces – and when that was out of the way, she stepped up to become the Prime Minister of the newly-reestablished COG.

Soldier, politician, waifu, and mother – the woman could do it all.


4. Spartan-458 (Dead or Alive 4)

Spartan-458 from Dead or Alive 4 screenshot

To be quite honest with you, I almost put Master Chief on the list.

He’s not a woman, so he couldn’t be a waifu. But the level of love Xbox fans feel for this armored crusader is unparalleled.

Luckily, I found the perfect replacement:

Spartan-458, also known as Nicole.

Also a Spartan-II, this Petty Officer Second Class in the UNSC became a character in Dead or Alive 4 after being trapped in a space-time “bubble” that sent her back to the 21st century.

There’s no telling what shooting someone and killing them might do to the timeline, so Nicole fights with her fists to keep anyone from messing with the futuristic tech that got sent back with her.

It’s a bit absurd but undeniably representative of Xbox culture.


3. Kait Díaz (Gears of War)

Kait Díaz from Gears of War cutscene screenshot

I’m a big fan of Anya Stroud. But her successor as the “main waifu” in Gears of War has undoubtedly earned her spot on this list.

Born well after the victory against the Locust horde, Kait was raised as an Outsider due to her parents’ misgivings about the authoritarian COG regime.

Even so, she was open to hearing out JD and Del when they met and saved them from being executed by the Outsiders.

She’s a born freedom fighter but also tender and eager to see the good in others.

Plus, her hairstyle is bomb.


2. Liara T’Soni (Mass Effect)

Liara T'Soni from Mass Effect cutscene screenshot

You might not remember by now, but Mass Effect was sorely missing from Sony and Nintendo consoles for a long time.

The series is full of prime waifu material, but Liara T’Soni has been leading the pack since the beginning.

Intelligent and courageous, this Asari researcher-turned-hero was saving the galaxy at a tender age of just over 100 – barely an adult in Asari terms.

She’s a consummate badass and the best romance option for any gender in the first game. Moreover, who doesn’t like hot blue alien waifus?


1. Cortana (Halo)

Cortana from Halo cutscene screenshot

Speaking of hot blue waifus from space…

Cortana is easily the ultimate Xbox waifu.

In fact, she’s the top Microsoft waifu as a whole.

If you’re reading this from a Windows PC, she’s probably right there on your toolbar.

At first, this AI was simply hitching a ride on Master Chief’s helmet and serving as a guide and supporting character. She grew to become the Halo series’ female lead and, eventually, the main antagonist – a bittersweet character arc, to say the least.

Even then, love for this hyper-powerful AI has never waned – which is why Microsoft named their voice assistant after her.

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Nelson Chitty

Nelson Chitty is a Venezuelan expat living in Argentina. He’s a writer and translator passionate about history and foreign cultures. His ideal weekend is spent between leisurely playing games of Civilization VI and looking for the next seinen anime to marathon.